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Technology

How To Secure Windows Against Viruses And Hackers

Let's face it, locking down, hardening, securing Windows against viruses and hackers is no easy task. It can be costly in financial and temporal terms, and the frustration is sure to shave years off your life. It seems to me that users need some sure-fire ways to make their computing experience safer. I have put together this list of steps to make the Windows user's life easier and to alleviate some of the fears of having a computer connected to the Internet.

Want to contribute your own ideas? Email me.
(Don't forget to replace the at's and dot's with the right characters.)

How To Secure Windows With Wire Cutters

Difficulty Rating: 5
Requires agility and coordination combined with ability to identify "cable".

How To Secure Windows With A Twinkie

Difficulty Rating: 7
Requires agility and coordination combined with strength of character required to not eat the Twinkie. Good Luck!

How To Secure Windows With A Firewall

Difficulty Rating: 8
It's all about timing. You don't want to get caught with homemade napalm, but you need to secure the machine too. Extraordinary capacities of judgement are required.

How To Secure Windows With Your Weber Barbecue

Difficulty Rating: 6
A barbecue is legal arson, in some sense, so you're going to have to make sure you keep this under control!

How To Secure Windows With A Hammer

Difficulty Rating: 2
Requires at least one limb.

How To Secure Windows With Beer

Difficulty Rating: 1
This will be easy after the first few beers.

How To Secure Windows With Your Dog

Difficulty Rating: 9
Requires a well-trained and hungry dog. You can borrow mine if you like.

How To Secure Windows With A Router

Difficulty Rating: 10
Requires safety gear and familiarity with power tools. Be careful with this one!

How To Secure Windows With A Lawnmower

Difficulty Rating: 4
Requires the ability to start the lawnmower and not mow one's own feet.

How To Secure Windows Biblically

Difficulty Rating: 10
Requires invoking the wrath of God. This might not be simple.

How To Secure Windows With Linux

Difficulty Rating: 0
This is a no-brainer.

© 2004 Sorrell
July